We very nearly didn’t get to drive the Nissan Teana out of the office. Totally unprovoked, the Teana was mobbed by a group of men in long-sleeve shirts with cuff links.
So eager were they to look inside that yours truly nearly ran over one of their shoes while his colleague opened the door.
This rather pathetic episode wouldn’t have happened if the Nissan Teana’s doors didn’t unlock all at once, the car wasn’t parked head-first, and there had been a camera for me to see the other guy lurking behind the boot.
This is not the most elegant or creative of introductions, but bear with it, because the entire review hinges on it – with good reason.
Supple and ventilated leather seats are a welcome feature in this cabin.
Consider the crowd the car gathered. That it was the sombre executive type gravitating towards the car suggests that it is reaching its audience as intended. If you are so attired yourself, read on.
The truth is, the Nissan Teana’s rear end is easily the car’s best angle, with its Mercedes-Benz CLS-inspired swooping lines exuding a sense of grandeur.
Chances are the same hyperactive executives won’t be quite as excited if the car were reverse-parked.
The Nissan Teana’s front, for all its vast hectares of chrome, doesn’t look quite as sophisticated.
Classy dials back the Teana’s upmarket aspirations.
The gigantic headlights, which look fine on the Presage MPV, fail to complement the stylish behind.
The profile, with the distinctive sixth light window, roofline and chrome strip running near the lower edge of the doors, immediately relate it to the Cefiro.
But it, too, looks nondescript after the flamboyant rear quarters.
There are plenty of Cefiro genes floating in the Nissan Teana’s cabin. The desired impression is one of being at home in the living room.
LCD display and air-con controls are huge.
And like the kind of spaces we see in Days Of Our Lives, the sofas – chairs – are clad in luxuriant leather, wrinkled to appear even more welcoming.
The armrests are dressed with wood-like veneer tops, just like a sofa. The front passenger seat even has a footstool that extends at the touch of a button.
Softly glowing orange LEDs mimic the warm light of a soothing fireplace.
But unlike the perches in the long-running soap, the items in the Nissan Teana are adjusted electrically (with memory setting for the driver) and have fans set in them to pipe in cool or warm air.
Integrated stereo can’t be paired to the LCD screen for videos.
These are not just firsts for afternoon TV. But, more importantly, ventilated seats are not found in the Honda Accord and Toyota Camry, rivals in Teana’s class.
Those coming from the Days era (circa 1965) will appreciate how the radio and climate control settings are displayed in XXL-size calculator fonts on a monochrome screen.
By the way, the men in ties, looking all rather post-1965, thought they were just plain oversized.
Courtesy of the jumbotron display, it was not possible to fit the Nissan Teana with a screen for satellite navigation and reverse camera functions.
Having tried the set-ups in other Nissans of late – the navigation was slow and the screen resolution jarring to look at – it may not be so bad to contend with the super-big temperature display.
The Nissan Teana comes with three engine variants, with the middle 2.5-litre tested being the runaway Miss Popular, outselling the four-cylinder 2-litre and the 3.5-litre V6.
Nissan has been bragging about the award-winning credentials of its VQ series V6 engines.
For the most part, the 2.5-litre is as good as claimed; it’s flexible and smooth revving. But stretch it closer to the redline and the engine lets out a rather un-award-winning noise.
Despite the sloping roofline, the backseat is still plenty for two adults.
(Surprise!) The good news is that stretching the 2.5-litre are rare occasions. As with the other engines for the Nissan Teana, the 2.5 is paired to a really good CVT gearbox.
Accelerations feel natural, while clicking the “Sport” button on the shifter immediately calls out a lower drive ratio to give good engine braking.
The sequential 6-speed paddle shift feature is exclusive to the 3.5-litre version, but no one is likely to miss it in the 2.5.
2.5-litre V6 delivers a healthy 182hp and 228Nm, but this motor isn’t as smooth as we remember…
Dynamically, the Nissan Teana feels very similar to the Cefiro.
The steering is just a little weightier but doesn’t carry much feedback. The springs are a little stiffer but dampers are still very soft.
The nose will dip on braking, and in longer, quicker bends, the car will still bob and pitch a little.
In fact, the Nissan Teana is based so closely on the Cefiro that not only is its suspension set-up similar, even the wheelbase dimension is identical. It’s almost as if the Teana were a Cefiro with a new body.
Then again, no one will ever fault the Nissan Teana for being a softie, or for being so much like the Cefiro. Overall, the Nissan Teana fulfils its brief as the replacement to the Cefiro.
But like the shirts we get off the rack, the car has its flaws, and there isn’t a tailor on hand to perfect it.
The front seats, for example, are shallow, leaving thighs needing a bit more support. The steering wheel still only adjusts for rake angle but not reach.
The bonnet isn’t supported by a gas strut like it does on the Cefiro.
The latch for the split-level centre bin looks more at home in the Nissan March than the Nissan Teana, as are some of the plastics. The veneers also seem to scuff very easily.
But you have to be actively looking out for these details.
Just like men in shirts and cuff links. You won’t notice them until they mob your car.
DRIVETRAIN
Type V6, 24-valves
Capacity 2496cc
Bore x stroke 85mm x 73.3mm
Compression ratio 9.8:1
Max power 182hp at 6000rpm
Max torque 228Nm at 4400rpm
Power to weight 118.9hp per tonne
Gearbox CVT
Driven wheels Front
PERFORMANCE
0-100km/h 9.6 seconds
Top speed 200km/h
Consumption 8.3km/L (city)
SUSPENSION
Front MacPherson struts, coil springs
Rear Multi-link, coil springs
BRAKES
Front / Rear Ventilated discs / Discs
TYRES
Type Dunlop SP Sport 270
Size 215/55 R17
SAFETY
Airbags 4
Traction aids ABS, VSA
MEASUREMENTS
Length 4850mm
Width 1795mm
Height 1485mm
Wheelbase 2775mm
Kerb weight 1531kg
Turning circle 11.2m
BUYING IT
Price incl. COE $99,000
Warranty 3 years/200,000km
+ Good-looking rear, plush cabin, good gearbox
– Shallow seat squab, brittle plastics in places, no reverse camera
Group Test: Chevrolet Malibu 2.4 versus Nissan Teana 2.0 versus Hyundai Sonata 2.0
